Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
