if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
