Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
