I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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