this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
