Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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