That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
