too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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