What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
