so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
