I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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