Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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