Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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