Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
