Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
