new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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