i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
