made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
