Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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