I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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