Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
