She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
