At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
