Why does Corona taste like a burp?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
