Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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