xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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