Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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