so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
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There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
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i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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