1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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