mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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