Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
