If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
