Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
