The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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