So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
