you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We need to get me chipped asap
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
