my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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