i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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