operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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