I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
