No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
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I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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