I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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