Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize