Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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