Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
