watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
