I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
