What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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