Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
