I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
