How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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