Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
