I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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