i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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