i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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