Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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