so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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