glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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