Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
